"i will use my words" - bo

we have a rule in our house
in regards to tattle-telling.
it goes like this:
if a situation should so arise
where one child is having issues with another child, 
they should first try and communicate on their own.
if (better said, when) that doesn't work they should approach me like:
"hey mom, can you come help me talk to jane.  she's totally scratching all my skin off and she's trying to eat bo's bike helmet, again."  
then i will come and it usually goes like this:
me: go ahead char, talk to jane. 
char: janie, it really hurts me when you scratch me!  please stop it. 
me: janie, what do you say?
jane: sa sa chow (big eyes on me).
if jane is less cooperative, she accompanies me to the bathroom for a one on one. 
but usually, there are hugs all around.
the rule is "can you help me talk to (insert name here)."
it's works surprisingly well in our home.
i like it because it values communication (using our words)
and restoration.
it's about getting everyone on the same page.
there is just something about having that third party (mom) present that 
allows the interchange to be successful.
traditional tattle-telling, although necessary at time, has a bad rap.  
no one likes a tattle tale, right.
i think it's because it's not really productive.  
someone just gets in trouble. 
bo has really taken to this way of dealing with issues.  
the other day he came sobbing to me with a big red cheek.
truth be told, i was already screaming jane's name (in my head)
when he exclaimed,
"mom, i need help talking to this."
and he held up a fine,
rubber band.
needless to say, i helped the two hash it out.
it went well.
the rubber band is in jail now.


  1. This is really good. I think I might have to introduce this here at our house. I have tried to help the girls learn to resolve their "differences" on their own, but I love the implementation of the "mom, can you help me talk to..." I also like Bo's interpretation too. Sweet little guy. ☺

  2. L.O.V.E. this post. We're not quite in the tattle phase, but I've told friends I'm desperately trying to teach Maggie to "tattle" rather than deal with issues herself - which has often lead to her beating on and certainly lead to her screaming at, other children (and one or two in particular). I've called it the, "come ask mommy for help" rule - but your one step ahead of me. I like....

  3. I love love love this.
    Seriously. LOVE it.
    I will be doing this in our house.
    And thank you for a fine mid-afternoon laugh. It was good.

  4. Hey Carleigh. So we don't know each other, but we both know Kathleen... obviously. And I read your blog. Anyhow, this is genius. Seriously. One day when my little lady is old enough to converse with her older brother, I will definitely be pulling this one out :)